Bernard's posts with tag: condolence
 Saying our condolences can sometimes be the most difficult act we express to the grieving. We find it many times that those who tried giving sympathy have frequently said or done exactly the wrong thing.How do we properly give our condolences? Why is it difficult ?There was a time when a guy went to a wake and expressed the following words: “I am sorry to hear about your dad. What a remarkable man he was.” After a few seconds the guy continued: “You must feel very blessed to have had him in your life so long”. Then the grieving son immediately responded and was infuriated. “Who the hell do you think you are to tell me I am blessed by my father’s death. I don’t care how old he was. I love him and his death is no blessing!” In an awkward moment the guy shrunk in the scene and then tried to regain his stance. Finally, he admitted, “ May God, you’re right. How foolish of me to have said that. Thank you, I am really very sorry.”Lesson on Condolence
1. The most important aspect in extending your condolence is to accept the bereaved and their situation. Don’t improve it. Don’t make it feel people need to learn from the situation.
2. Less is more. Say lesser words and listen to their story.
3. Relax as you enter the place. Slow is better in this kind of situation.
4. Remember, you don’t know the full story yet. And even if you do, there is more to learn from the family members. LISTEN.What can we do:
1. Remember there are several phases of grief:
a. First, shock, numbness and disbelief
b. Second, when things settle, the grieving experiences the pain of loss
c. Lastly, resolution and acceptance. Though this stage will take time, the grieving family members needs plenty of comforting and counseling
2. On the first stage, just be there. Just grieve. Cry if need be. Jesus just wept (Jn 11:35) at the scene.
3. Then, later on you can re-visit the family and ask how you could be of help. Don’t offer counsel yet unless solicited. At this stage you can express your sympathy by mentioning special qualities of the deceased and recount the memory.
4. Pray for the family.
John 11:33, 35 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. Jesus wept.
| |
|
